Subject: Appearance » Body

If I want to wear my tits on my back, that’s my business!

(1946 – ) American recording artist, actress, director & record producer

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.

(1943 – ) English rock singer

I was so ugly that my parents sent my picture to Ripley’s Believe It or Not: they sent it back and said, “We don’t believe it.”

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor

My breast are so versatile now — I can wear them down, up, or side by side.

(1950 – ) American actress, singer & model

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

I don’t want to lose weight; my tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.

American stand-up comedian

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Probably the worst thing you can hear when you’re wearing a bikini is “Good for you!”


The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

I don't wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

I saw a guy today who had rings and hooks and pens and antennas hanging out his cheeks and his eyebrows; looked like somebody hit him in the head with a tackle box.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian

We all get heavier as we get older because there’s a lot more information in our heads.

professional basketball player

Relax, Georgie, I'm just making my collar and cuffs match.

(1908 – 1942) American actress

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.