Subject: Life (Page 17)

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Autos Life

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing… if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Honesty Life Truth

Let’s face facts, shall we?… There is a very real possibility that this could also be the last day of the rest of your life.

(1939 – ) television newscaster
Death Life Situations

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Health Life

Life can be a bitch so at least try not to fall in love with one.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Life Relationships

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health Life

To the question: Do married people live longer?

Fields responded: No, it just seems longer.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Life Marriage Time

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

Reality continues to ruin my life.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Failure Life Problems

Good times end too quickly. Bad times go on forever.

Life Murphy’s Laws Situations Time

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Intelligence Life

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

Marriage, in life, is like a duel in the midst of a battle.

(1828 – 1885) French novelist, publicist & journalist
Conflict Life Marriage

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)
Communication Intelligence Life Places Science/Weather

To expect life to treat you good is as foolish as hoping a bull won’t hit you because you are a vegetarian.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Intelligence Life

Americans are not gonna conserve; we’re not gonna shift to smaller cars… we can’t… we have big, fat kids.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Life

I know not which lives more unnatural lives, obeying husbands, or commanding wives.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Husbands Life Marriage Wives

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Age Food/Drink Life Old

Life is like a game of poker: If you don’t put any in the pot, there won’t be any to take out.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Activities Games Life

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Alcohol Food/Drink Life

If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it!

(1925 – 2013) comedian & actor
Life