Subject: Science/Weather

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice… but, in practice, there is.

(1953 – 1994) Dutch computer scientist & educator
Science/Weather

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Definitions Science/Weather

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals Science/Weather

The speed of time is one second per second.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Time

You're flickin' around, all of a sudden – boom – you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Entertainment Science/Weather Television

You might be a redneck if… you think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
People Rednecks Science/Weather

The cloning of humans is on most of the lists of things to worry about from science, along with behavior control, genetic engineering, transplanted heads, computer poetry and the unrestrained growth of plastic flowers.


Problems Science/Weather

In creating the human brain, evolution has wildly overshot the mark.

(1905 – 1983) Hungarian-British author & journalist
People Science/Weather

In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

There will be a procession next Sunday afternoon in the grounds of the monastery; but if it rains in the afternoon, the procession will take place in the morning.

Church Bulletins Science/Weather

The rain was coming down in droves!

Mixed metaphors Science/Weather

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways; but he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Beliefs God Science/Weather

Why Aren’t Humans Still Evolving Into Monkeys?

Science/Weather Signs

Any man that has never seen a baby emerge from another person’s body will walk around for months just going, ‘Oh my God; what else don’t I know about Planet Earth?’

(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Children Family Science/Weather

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

There are two kinds of light — the glow that illumines, and the glare that obscures.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Science/Weather

My God, we've had cloning in the South for years… it's called cousins.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
America Places Relationships Science/Weather

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

I played as  much golf as I could in North Dakota, but summer up there is pretty short. It usually falls on Tuesday.

professional golfer
Science/Weather

Without geography you're nowhere.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Places Science/Weather