Subject: Science/Weather

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means 'liar.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright

There will be a procession next Sunday afternoon in the grounds of the monastery; but if it rains in the afternoon, the procession will take place in the morning.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Well, evolution's just a” theory;” and, I'm thinking to myself, ‘Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian

Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.


Science was my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament.

(1973 – ) American actor

Free Advice: Bundle Up When Out In the Cold

The only way I'd worry about the weather is if it snows on our side of the field and not on theirs.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager

I went to Moscow once; it was so cold at night one guy fell out of bed and broke his pajamas.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

There's no place like!

It is so hot… I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

(1829 – 1900) American essayist & novelist

I learned more about the economy from one South Dakota dust storm that I did in all my years of college.

(1911 – 1978) U.S. vice president & politician

The rain is coming down like gangbusters!

Statistics: The science of producing unreliable facts from reliable figures.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

Alcohol is a good preservative for everything but brains.


Autumn is the most beautiful time of the year to the person who has no leaves to rake.

It is so hot… potatoes cook underground.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)

It was a dry rain.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
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