Subject: Science/Weather

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Space is almost infinite; as a matter of fact, we think it is infinite.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there; hunters would be all confused.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

The only way I'd worry about the weather is if it snows on our side of the field and not on theirs.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager

It is so hot… no shirt, no pants, no problem.

1. If it is green or it wiggles – it is Biology.
2. If it stinks – it is Chemistry.
3. If it doesn’t work – it is Physics.

Statistics are to baseball what a flaky crust is to Mom’s apple pie.

(1926 – 1991) American television journalist

The word 'spermicide' sounds like something sperms would do as a last resort; 'I'm not going out there anymore. I can't take it.'

stand-up comedian & actor

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Archaeology is the science that proves you can’t keep a good man down.

I went to Moscow once; it was so cold at night one guy fell out of bed and broke his pajamas.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Megahertz: this is a really, really big hertz.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

comedian, counselor & speaker

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

(1899 – 1995) humorist

Cancun Temps Plunge to 100-Year Record Low During ‘Global Warming’ Summit!

Show me an archaeologist, and I’ll show you a man who practices skull drudgery.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

‘Push’ is the force exerted upon the door marked PULL.

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