Subject: Age (Page 9)

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Age Conflict Friends Killing People

I’m at the age where I have to find my hearing aid to ask where my glasses are.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Age Old

My friend just got a trophy wife… must not have been first place.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age

I still feel 30, except when I try to run.

(1929 – ) American comedian & comic actor
Activities Age Old

Ask any woman her age, and nine times out of ten she’ll guess wrong.

comedian
Age People Women

Eighty is a wonderful age… especially if you’re ninety.

(1900 – 1973) American journalist & editor
Age Old

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving… he said it was elevator practice.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Age Family Things Young

It’s a good thing to be old, because that means you haven’t died yet, right?

(1974 – ) Spanish actress & model
Age Old

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Health Old Things

The average age of our bench is deceased.

Los Angeles Dodgers’ manager
Age Baseball Old Sports

Sex at 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Activities Age Old Sex

She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Age Insults

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Age Food/Drink Life Old

You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Old Young

I didn’t see it [old age] coming — it hit me from the rear.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Old

Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Age Children Emotions

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Age Education Sex Young

20 to 40 is the fillet steak of life; after that it’s all short cuts.

(1922 – 1985) English poet & novelist
Age

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Age Communication Speech Time

My grandmother died having sex… I still cry every time I watch the video.

(Uncle Lar) American comedian
Age Family Sex

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Age Fools Intelligence Old Young