Subject: Appearance (Page 29)

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Appearance

I love the idea of there being two sexes, don't you?

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Appearance Body Science/Weather

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Appearance Body Books Communication People Reading/Writing Women

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker
Appearance Characteristics Ugly Work

Rando: Nice wig, Janice. What’s it made of?
Janis: Your mom’s chest hair!

(1982 – ) American actress & model
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

I don't have a huge penis, but I had everything in my bedroom built to three-quarters scale so it looks bigger.

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
Appearance Body

She's not wearing enough clothes to flag a hand car.

Appearance Clothing Expressions

Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Clothing Insults

Your hair is already such a disaster that the Red Cross wouldn’t give it coffee.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Appearance Hair TV/Movie Quotes

That baby is ugly…I’ve never seen a 6-month-old so desperately in need of waxing.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Insults

Bikini: Baiting Suit.

Clothing Definitions

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven’t yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Appearance Clothing

He makes a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float look ridiculous.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Appearance Insults

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Appearance Places

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Body Food/Drink

You really wanna know what you look like to other people?… have a child draw you.

(1975 – ) American comedian & talk radio personality
Appearance People Self

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

She's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Appearance Body Expressions

Beauty is only sin deep.

(1870 – 1916) British writer
Appearance Wordplay

She is so thin… she doesn’t cast a shadow.

Appearance Body Exaggerations