Subject: Appearance (Page 29)

He looked very thin and emancipated.

Appearance Body Malaprops

You want to have a little fun, go to a fashion show and throw a cookie on stage and watch them.

(1961 – ) American actor & comedian
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

When I was pregnant, my friends sneered: ‘Eating for two, are we?’… I said, get lost, I’m not cutting down.

(1957 – ) British stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Eating Food/Drink

You know your girlfriend is getting fat when she can fit into your wife's clothes.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Marriage

The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.

Clothing Government Military Murphy’s Laws

I was six foot one inch when I started fighting, but with all the uppercuts I'm up to six foot five inches.

American boxer
Appearance Boxing Sports

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Clothing Science/Weather

I got a run in my neon stockings.

Clothing Malaprops

Why does everything you wear look like it’s bearing a grudge, darling?

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress
Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes

The longer I practice medicine the more convinced I am there are only two types of cases: those that involve taking the trousers off and those that don’t.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Clothing Doctors Health

Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald.”

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Appearance Characteristics Men People Wealth

Why don't you get a haircut… you look like a chrysanthemum?

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Appearance Insults

If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people in the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Appearance Body Fear

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Clothing Definitions

As I get older I'm going to hear "You look great" a lot less than I'm going to hear "You look sick.”

American stand-up comedian
Age Appearance Health Old

A bird in the hand makes blowing your nose difficult.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Animals Appearance Situations Things

He must have had a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own.

(1910 – 1997) American writer
Appearance Body Fat Insults

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

If God had wanted women to have giant… fake boobs he’d be a lot like my brother.

(1964 – ) American comedian
Appearance Body Women

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I don’t really like knees.

(1936 – 2008) French fashion designer
Appearance Body