Subject: Beliefs (Page 35)

I'm a great lover… I bet.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Opinion Sex

The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around.

(1916 – 1997) newspaper journalist
Beliefs Religion

Ever notice how people who believe in creationism look really unevolved?

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Appearance Beliefs Religion

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Beliefs Games

A witness shall not bear falsies against thy neighbor.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Characteristics Lies

Christian: A man who feels repentance on a Sunday for what he did on Saturday and is going to do on Monday.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be abstinent alone; the Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery…. you can’t masturbate without lust!

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Beliefs Misspokements Religion Sex

When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and give it to him.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Beliefs Opinion

I always advise people never to give advice.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Beliefs Opinion

Any facts which, when included in the argument, give the desired result, are fair facts for the argument.

Beliefs Facts Murphy’s Laws

I think that people who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Communication Lies Reading/Writing

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away.

(1928 – 1982) American novelist, short story writer & essayist
Beliefs Life Truth

I’m opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Money Opinion Wealth

We have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Beliefs Death Opinion

God enters into each individual by a private door… and sometimes that can prove to be quite painful.

(1933 – ) American disc jockey & television host
Beliefs God

White Lie: Aversion of the truth.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies Truth

People have the persona that all Texans wear cowboy hats.

Beliefs Malaprops Opinion

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Characteristics Honesty Lies

Anything that you have to acquire a taste for was not meant to be eaten.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, singer & director
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion