Subject: Beliefs (Page 35)

It is a curious thing… that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Beliefs Religion

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Family Mothers Religion

I love seeing [the Pope] in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass… that’s faith in action folks; you know he’s got God on his side.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Beliefs Religion

The best time to give advice to your children is while they’re still young enough to believe you know what you’re talking about.

Beliefs Children Family Intelligence Opinion

The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution.

(1906 – 1975) German-born American political theorist
Beliefs Government

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Opinion

A conservative is someone who makes no changes and consults his grandmother when in doubt.

(1856 – 1924) 28th U.S. president & politician
Beliefs Government Politicians

If it’s free, it’s advice; if you pay for it, it’s counseling; if you can use either one, it’s a miracle.

(1895 – 1968) Canadian hockey player, coach & general manager
Beliefs Opinion

Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage.

(1942 – 1999) American actress
Beliefs Marriage Sex

Actions lie louder than words.

(1862 – 1942) American author & poet
Beliefs Honesty Lies

WTF, I thought I voted for a Muslim?!

Beliefs Religion

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Beliefs Children

What a liberal wants is to bring about change which will not in any way endanger his position.

(1941 – 1998) Trinidadian-American and prominent figure in the Civil Rights Movement
Beliefs Government

I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she’s what’s known as “not at all attracted to me.”

American comedian & actor
Beliefs

I read the Book of Job last night; I don’t think God comes out of it well.

(1882 – 1941) English writer
Beliefs God

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Here's some advice for you guys: never hire a clown named Molesto.

stand-up comedian
Beliefs

I hate myself, but being Jewish has nothing to do with it.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Beliefs Religion Self

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Crime Honesty Places World

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

Having something to say is overrated.

American writer
Beliefs Communication Opinion