Subject: Characteristics (Page 34)

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.

(1926 – ) newspaper columnist
Characteristics Intelligence

I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.


Appearance Body Characteristics Emotions Situations

The fundamental defect of fathers is that they want their children to be a credit to them.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Characteristics Children Family Fathers

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Characteristics Honesty Lies Truth

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics People Rednecks Things

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

(1882 – 1958) drama critic, editor
Animals Characteristics

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Family

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Honesty Truth

You can pretend to be serious; you can’t pretend to be witty.

(1885 – 1957) French stage actor, film actor, director, screenwriter & playwright
Characteristics

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics Entertainment

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?

comedian
Books Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing

A biography is a book that is usually written about a dead person because it is so unlike him when he was alive.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Books Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Characteristics Sex

In order to influence a child, one must be careful not to be that child’s parent or grandparent.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics Children Family

Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Honesty

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

(1906 – 1982) baseball player
Age Characteristics Old

He was born silly and had a relapse.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Characteristics

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor
Characteristics

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.

(1864 –1945) Anglo-Scottish socialite, author & wit
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies People

Good manners: The noise you don't make when you're eating soup.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Characteristics

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Family Relationships