Subject: Characteristics (Page 34)

Many who would not take the last cookie would take the last lifeboat.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author
Characteristics

They say the definition of ambivalence is watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your new Cadillac.

(1947 – ) American playwright, screenwriter & film director
Characteristics

Fine words! … I wonder where you stole them.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Characteristics Communication Honesty Insults

Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands… but English women only hope to find in their butlers.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
America Characteristics England Husbands Women

Whatever women do, they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People Women

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity; that's how rich I want to be.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Characteristics Money Wealth

None are so empty as those who are full of themselves.

(1609 – 1683) British religious leader
Characteristics People

My wife says I’m unsophisticated and uncultured, so to prove her wrong, guess where I’m taking her… hint: It starts with “B” and rhymes with “wallet.”

Characteristics Wordplay

Every man has his follies – and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Characteristics Intelligence

A skeptic is a person who would ask God for his ID card.


Characteristics God

The first time Adam had a chance, he laid the blame on woman.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Characteristics Women

A bore is one who has the power of speech but not the capacity for conversation.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Characteristics Communication Conversation People Speech

He is racist, he's homophobic, he's xenophobic and he's a sexist; he's the perfect Republican candidate.

(1940 – ) talk radio host, political commentator and author
Characteristics Insults

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Characteristics Intelligence

He's liked, but he's not well liked.

(1915 – 2005) playwright & essayist
Characteristics Insults

Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics People Relationships

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Age Characteristics

The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover’s Lane holding his own hand.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Characteristics

A thick skin is a gift from God.

(1876 – 1967) German statesman
Characteristics God

At any particular time, there are more horse's asses in the world than horses.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics Insults