Subject: Communication (Page 63)

I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, “I wanna grow up and be a critic.”

(1940 – 2005) comedian & movie actor
Communication Occupations Work

The early bird gets the worm but the late worm gets to live.

comedian, writer & editor
Communication Wordplay

To see him fumbling with our rich and delicate English is like seeing a Sevres vase in the hands of a chimpanzee.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Communication Insults Language

There’s no sentence that’s too short in the eyes of God.

(1922 – ) American writer, editor, literary critic & teacher
Communication Reading/Writing

A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Communication Health Speech

An author is a fool who, not content with boring those he lives with, insists on boring future generations.

(1689 – 1755) French philosopher & political commentator
Books Communication Fools Reading/Writing

Why's God always got such wacky shit to say?… when's the last time you heard somebody say, 'God told me to get a muffin and a cup of tea and cool out, man.'

American comedian & actor
Beliefs Communication God Speech

My wife said: ‘I want an explanation and I want the truth.’ I said: ‘Make up your mind.’

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication Honesty Marriage Truth Wives

A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day; she said, "Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?" I said, All right, but we're not going to get much done.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Communication Language Situations

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Communication Science/Weather

Discussion: A method of confirming others in their errors.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Mistakes People

In a closed mouth, flies do not enter.

Communication Proverbs Speech

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

Writer, William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway: He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

Hemingway: Poor Faulkner, Does he really think big emotions come from big words?

(1899 – 1961) author & journalist
Communication Insults Reading/Writing

As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.

(1887 – 1948) American journalist & humorist
Age Communication Old

Yes, so it does.

(1869 – 1931) American politician
Miscellaneous Wordplay

My grandma always says that she never gets any phone calls; so, for her birthday, I put one of those ‘How’s my driving?’ bumper stickers on her car.

comedian
Autos Communication Relationships

Autobiography: An I-witness account

Books Communication Definitions People Self

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

I went to my doctor and told him, "My penis is burning." … he said, "That means somebody is talking about it.”

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Communication Speech

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Communication Language Speech