Subject: Communication (Page 83)

In school I wanted to join the debating team… but someone talked me out of it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Speech

A bore is a fellow talking who can change the subject back to his topic of conversation faster than you can change it back to yours

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Characteristics Communication People Speech

Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Communication Honesty Truth

A victim of the use of water as a beverage.

(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Characteristics Communication Insults

A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself.

(1937 – ) British playwright & screenwriter
Communication Intelligence People Self Speech

I drink therefore I am.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Wordplay

I’m the lady who works at Paramount all day… and Fox all night.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
TV/Movie Quotes Wordplay

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

Writing comes more easily if you have something to say.

(1880 – 1957) Polish-Jewish novelist, dramatist & essayist
Communication Reading/Writing

Fiction writing is great; you can make up almost anything.

(1949 – ) ex-wife of cretin Donald Trump
Communication Reading/Writing

My wife said: ‘I want an explanation and I want the truth.’ I said: ‘Make up your mind.’

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication Honesty Marriage Truth Wives

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals Communication Language

Antibody: Against everyone.

Definitions Wordplay

The speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after the big meal.

Communication Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Speech

Dyselxics Have More Nuf.

Communication Health Language

No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Things

Reading isn’t an occupation we encourage among police officers; we try to keep the paperwork down to a minimum.

(1933 – 1967) English playwright
Communication Reading/Writing

I got a new job stitching shoes; it was so-so.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Occupations Work

He was oppressed by metaphor, dislocated by parentheses and debilitated by amplification.

(1747 – 1825) English schoolmaster, writer, minister & Doctor of Law
Communication Insults Speech

So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!"

(1967 – ) English actor, writer & comedian
Miscellaneous Wordplay