Subject: Health (Page 6)

At my age, an affair of the heart is a bypass.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Health Old Relationships

I got a postcard from my gynecologist; It said, “Did you know it’s time for your annual check-up?” … no, but now my mailman does.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Doctors Health

If a patient dies, the doctor killed him, but if he gets well, the saints have saved him.

Doctors Health Proverbs

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Orthodox: Bone doctors.

Definitions Doctors

Never say “oops” while your patient is conscious.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws Problems

I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health TV/Movie Quotes

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Alcohol Characteristics Doctors Health

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

If you have over forty eyes and have noticed how your vision has changed…

Classifieds Health

Both of my children had the chicken pops when they were young.

Health Malaprops

At first, you fear you will die; then, after it has a good hold on you, you fear you won’t die.

(1876 – 1916) American author, journalist & social activist
Health

I feel like death eatin’ a soda cracker.

Expressions Health

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Driving Health

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

comedian
Doctors Occupations Work

I have kleptomania; but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

(1927 – 2018) British comedian, singer & songwriter
Health

The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare.

(1949 – ) American actor & environmentalist
Food/Drink Health Insults Places

Health is the thing that makes you feel that now is the best time of the year.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Health Time

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.

(1875 – 1965) German/French theologian, organist, philosopher, physician & medical missionary
Emotions Happiness Health Intelligence Memory

You know you have it when you can’t think of anything that’s your own fault.

Health Murphy’s Laws