Subject: Sex (Page 29)

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

I just broke up with my girl friend, I caught her lying… under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Relationships Sex

I’d rather spend New Year’s Eve alone than at a party; then at least there’s a guarantee of sex.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Sex

If he's stuck with the shrew, I hope he screws everything that's not tied down.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Marriage Sex

And if you had what other men have, I wouldn't need batteries anymore.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Agatha Christie has given more pleasure in bed than any other woman.


(1929 – ) British television & radio critic
People Sex

Orgasm: The punchline some women just don’t get, generally because their mates have a tendency to rush through the joke.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Sex

Of course a platonic relationship is possible, but only between husband and wife.


Marriage Relationships Sex

Pulled my groin the other day – for about 20 minutes.

(1963 – ) American comedian
Activities Language Sex

Don’t bother discussing sex with small children… they rarely have anything to add.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Children Communication Conversation Family Sex Speech

If I hold you any closer, I’ll be in back of you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Sex

If you want to stop two people from having sex, let them get married

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host
Marriage Sex

How tall are you cowboy?
I’m six feet and seven inches, ma’am.
Let’s forget about the six feet and talk about your seven inches.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Sex

Except for 75% of the women, everyone in the whole world wants to have sex.


People Sex Women

I watching a weird porn the other day; it was just a fat man crying and wanking at the same time…. then realized I hadn't turned the TV on.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
People Self Sex

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

(1940 – ) pornographic actress & publisher
Sex

Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in.

(1928 – ) British journalist, writer & columnist
Appearance Body Fat Men People Sex Women

I’m not an expert on masturbation, but I hold my own.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Sex

I almost got a girl pregnant in high school; it's costing me a fortune to keep the rabbit on a life-support system.

(12/06/1953 – ) American actor, comedian, director & game show host
Sex Situations

I know I must be really good in bed, because women always ask me if there’s any possible way I could make it last longer.

Sex