Subject: Situations (Page 51)

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Situations

My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Intelligence Situations Understanding

When the blind leadeth the blind… get out of the way.

Proverbs Situations

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it’s just possible that you haven’t understood the situation.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

If a company’s most valuable resource is its people, how come the employees aren’t locked up, but the toilet paper is in a reinforced steel box with a lock, bolted to the stall?

Situations Work

The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but you still have to mow it.

Situations

He took me to McDonald’s, backed his car through the drive-through window, so the cashier could be on my side.

comedian & radio personality
Frugal Money Situations

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house; I never slept alone until after I was married.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Marriage Situations Sleep

She's Cherokee Indian, which is great 'cause whenever we have sex, it rains.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Sex Situations

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Murphy’s Laws People Situations

My doctor said, 'I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The good news is you don’t have premenstrual syndrome; the bad news is… you’re a bitch!'

(1949 – ) American actress & comedian
People Self Situations

I slept with this girl, in the morning I asked her if she wanted breakfast in bed… she said one pig in the blanket was enough.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Food/Drink Situations

If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Situations

A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Politicians Situations

Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Situations Time

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president
Problems Situations

I was filling out a questionnaire that said, “Who would you most like to sleep with – anyone living or dead?” I said “Anyone living.”

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex Situations Wordplay

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps.

(1804 – 1881) British prime minister, politician & author
Failure Problems Situations

The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker regardless of the direction of the breeze.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Situations

It always looks darkest just before it gets totally black.

cartoon character, Peanuts, Charles Schulz (1922 – 2000) cartoonist
Situations

A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it.

(1858 – 1932) American physicist, physician & humorist
Problems Situations