Subject: Work (Page 3)

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Time Work

Incomprehensible jargon is the hallmark of a profession.

(1919 – 1988) American diplomat & educator
Communication Language Work

Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Education Misspokements Occupations

The real reason I decided on show business was to avoid a day job.

(1963 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & director
Entertainment Work

The probability of arriving at the job site without a needed tool or with the wrong hardware are directly proportional with the square of the travel distance.
Corollary: You will always have what you need when the job is next to your shop.

Murphy’s Laws Things Work

Beware of programmers carrying screwdrivers.

American computer programmer
Computers Occupations Things Work

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Government Money Taxes Work

I was born lazy; I am no lazier now than I was forty years ago, but that is because I reached the limit forty years ago.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Work

You know you're getting old when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Age Old Situations Work

Executive: A person who can take two hours for lunch without anybody missing him.

Definitions Occupations

To estimate the time it takes to do a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. (Example: allocate two days for a one-hour task)

Murphy’s Laws Time Work

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion.

(1922 – ) American economist
Intelligence Occupations Work

Reporter: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Definitions Occupations People Truth

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Activities Drugs Occupations Work

The amount of work to be done increases in proportion to the amount of work already completed.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Work

Retire? … I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Age Entertainment Old Work

My boss told me to get my butt in gear… I told him I was shiftless.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Communication Language Work