Author: Anonymous Page 146

“Life isn’t fair,” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties

“Would you like some soda?” asked Tom caustically.

Tom Swifties

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“I won’t buy a circuit breaker,” Tom refused.

Tom Swifties

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Education

“The doctor had to remove a bone from my arm,” said Tom humorlessly.

Tom Swifties

There are two theories to arguing with women… neither one works.

People Women

“I’d like to be a Chinese laborer,” said Tom coolly.

Tom Swifties

There are two sides to every argument, and they’re usually married to each other.

Communication Conflict Marriage Speech

Spare the rod, spoil the broth.

Mixed metaphors

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

To make the drawers work better, rub them with paraphernalia.

Malaprops

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Jack Benny played Mendelsson last night… Mendelsson lost.

Entertainment Music

She's skating on thin water.

Mixed metaphors

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

The Norwegian language has been described as German spoken underwater.

Communication Language Places

“This mental ward is busy,” said Tom crazily.

Tom Swifties

“Would you like to buy some cod?” asked Tom selfishly.

Tom Swifties

Well tie me to an anthill and fill my ears with jam!

Expressions

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Definitions