Author: Anonymous Page 157

Impossible Lie: In golf, a ball that is in a position that is both completely obstructed by an immovable object and continuously observed by an incorruptible player.

Definitions Golf Sports

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

Situations

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

Never let a gift horse in the house.

Malaprops

He's going up and down like a metronome.

Malaprops

We'll drive off of that bridge when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair.

Malaprops

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

A sure sign of bureaucracy is when the first person who answers the phone can’t help you.

Government

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

Tears: A good-bye product.

Definitions

Actions speak louder than words — but not so often.

Communication

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

It is so hot… I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Taste: (female Interpretation): Something you do frequently to whatever you’re cooking, to make sure it’s good;   (male Interpretation): Something you must do to anything you think has gone bad, prior to tossing it out.

Definitions Men People Women

I can read him like the back of my book.

Mixed metaphors

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Accidents Age Beliefs Old

There are three kinds of people… those who can count & those who can't.

People

His nose is so big… he has to lift it to eat.

Appearance Body Exaggerations