Author: Anonymous Page 159

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

Communication Definitions Politicians Speech

The walls of medieval cathedrals were supported by flying buttocks.

Malaprops

“I’m just an ordinary soldier,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

Window: A looking-out glass.

Definitions Things

She’d complain if Jesus came down and handed her a $5 bill.

Characteristics Communication

Egotism: An anesthetic that nature gives to a man to deaden the pain of being a darn fool.

Definitions

“Do you buy and sell stolen goods?” asked Tom offensively.

Tom Swifties

He was watching me like I was a hawk.

Mixed metaphors

Twins: Womb-mates.

Definitions

I can syncronize with those homeless people.

Malaprops

I saw a mosquito in Alaska so big… I could see his brand.

Animals Exaggerations Places

“The insect in William’s hand is wearing a yarmulka!” said Tom jubilantly.

Tom Swifties

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Walking with your head between your legs.

Mixed metaphors

Television: A watching machine.

Entertainment Television

They tried to make me the escape goat.

Malaprops

Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.

Definitions

She is so old… her dreams are in black and white.

Age Exaggerations Old

I thought she had persisted from corresponding with him.

Malaprops

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

It’s all moth-eared.

Malaprops