Author: Anonymous Page 159

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Body Cold Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

Definitions

Among the many remedies that won’t cure a cold, the most common is advice.

Beliefs Health

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

Autos Husbands Marriage Wives

“I’m concerned about the number of people not attending,” said Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

“Boy, I wish the elevator were working,” said Tom, staring up to the top.

Tom Swifties

Shivers of joy running up and down my throat

Mixed metaphors

Female: One who believes if you charge it, it’s not spending, and if you add a cherry to it, it’s not intoxicating.

Definitions People

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two being goulash and squid.

Definitions Food/Drink

You could take that guy with a grain a salt.

Mixed metaphors

You’re prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!

Appearance Expressions

As ugly as a bulldog chewing a wasp.

Animals Appearance Dogs Expressions Ugly

Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties

American Language: English run over by a musical comedy.

Communication Definitions

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Insults Intelligence

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay