Author: Anonymous Page 2

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

“This must be an aerobics class,” Tom worked out.

Tom Swifties

“Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t….,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

“It’s become much bigger,” said Tom with a groan.

Tom Swifties

That baby's cuter than a speckled pup in a red wagon.

Appearance Expressions

A woman who strives to be like a man lacks ambition.

Characteristics Men People Women

The ambition of every small boy is to wash his mother’s ears.

Children Family

Centaur: A man with a horse where his pants ought to be.

Definitions

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

Cloud: What’s in front of every silver lining.

Definitions

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

He's the pineapple of politeness.

Malaprops

Oh, for I minute there, I thought I was illuminating.

Malaprops

She is so old… her dreams are in black and white.

Age Exaggerations Old

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something.

Misspokements Speech

She’d complain if Jesus came down and handed her a $5 bill.

Characteristics Communication

Bowling: Marbles for grown-ups.

Activities Definitions

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

Let's bury this dead horse.

Mixed metaphors