Subject: Health

One finger in the throat and one in the rectum makes a good diagnostician.

(1849 – 1919) Canadian physician

Like the measles, love is most dangerous when it comes late in life.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

… having too much collateral in your blood.

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

The psychiatrist’s office is where you say what you think and be told what you mean.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine

A cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them… well, it's killing me!

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian


television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Love conquers all things… except poverty and toothache.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

You’re Sharp Enough To Be Your Own Surgeon

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

“Herbal medicine’s been around for thousands of years!” … and then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became ‘medicine’… and the rest of it is just a nice bowl of soup and some potpourri.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter

Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & voice actor

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor

Busted tribia

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job… especially if you’ve got hay fever.

(1964 – ) English comedian

My health is good; it’s my age that’s bad.

(1903 – 1992) country music singer, fiddler & promoter

Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

(1879 – 1974) film producer

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.

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