Subject: Beliefs (Page 20)

First night, you get socks; second night, an eraser, a notebook – it’s a back to school holiday.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Beliefs Religion Situations

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Alcohol Beer Emotions Food/Drink God Happiness

Although it is not true that all conservatives are stupid people, it is true that most stupid people are conservative.

(1806-1873) British philosopher
Beliefs Government Intelligence Opinion Stupidity

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics Honesty

A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Beliefs

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

Sometimes you have to take things on faith, even if you don't have any faith.

Beliefs

A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Age Facts Old Young

A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Places

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs New York City Places Religion

Someone certainly has a high opinion of their opinion.

(1959 – ) American actor
Beliefs Opinion TV/Movie Quotes

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Places

My mom brought us to mass every Sunday – short for ‘massive head trauma’ that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can’t sit still for anything that’s boring.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs

That which we call sin in others is experimentation for us.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Beliefs Characteristics

If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs God

In high school, I wanted to be a feminist, but my boyfriend wouldn't let me.

comedian
Beliefs People

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

Y’know, if those pews reclined and the priests gave the Raiders scores, I’d go to church every Sunday.

(1961 – ) American comedian, actor & talk show host
Beliefs

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth – anonymously and posthumously.

(1930 – ) economist, social commentator & author
Characteristics Honesty Truth

The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
Beliefs Opinion

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

(1911 – 1978) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Intelligence Opinion