Subject: Marriage (Page 35)

I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.

(1894 – 1988) American journalist, novelist & screenwriter
Husbands Marriage Women

Fidelity : A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics Definitions Marriage

Alimony: A splitting headache.

Definitions Marriage

Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

(1899 – 1995) humorist
Emotions Love Marriage

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking; it’s called marriage.

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Marriage Money

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Marriage People Wives

All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Entertainment Marriage

One night she told me to put out the garbage; I told her "you cooked it, you take it out."

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Cooking Food/Drink Marriage Wives

Love is blind… but marriage is the real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

Horse sense is what prevents a woman from becoming a nag.

(1924 – 1987) American stand-up ‘deadpan’ comedian and actor
Intelligence Marriage Wives

You know what I did before I married? … anything I wanted to.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Marriage

Even in civilized mankind, faint traces of monogamous instinct can be perceived.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Marriage

Lay off Vanessa. She gives great headache. … I can’t believe it. Married five years. Seems like yesterday! [sighs] And you know what a lousy day yesterday was.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage TV/Movie Quotes

My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Self Wives

My wife made me a millionaire. Before she divorced me, I had three million.

professional hockey player
Divorce Hockey Marriage Misspokements Sports

Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes.

(1864 – 1930) Scottish whisky distiller
Appearance Clothing Men People Wives

Honeymoon: The vacation a man takes before starting to work for a new boss.

Definitions Marriage

The critical period of matrimony is breakfast time.

(1890 – 1971) English humorist, novelist & playwright
Marriage Time

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed… I leave.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Marriage Sex Situations Wives

My wife gets all the money I make… I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
Marriage Wives

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

(1876 – 1950) journalist & humorist
Communication Husbands Marriage Speech Time Wives