Subject: Work (Page 4)

Easiest job in the world of course: Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday how you doing… no worries… next.”

(1964 – ) English comedian
Occupations Work

The profession of a prostitute is the only career in which the maximum income is paid to the newest apprentice.

(1829 – 1912) British preacher who founded The Salvation Army
Occupations Work

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Money Occupations People Work

It is easier to square the circle than to get round a mathematician.

(1806 – 1871) English mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

Taxi Driver: Worker who earns a living by driving customers away.

Definitions Occupations

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Here's a six-foot-ten guy in sneakers and the lady's asking me, 'Profession?'


Basketball Occupations Sports Work

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Chef: Any cook who swears in French.

Definitions Occupations

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Situations Work

Madam: Someone for whom the belles toil.

Definitions Occupations

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

After a salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you had before.

Money Murphy’s Laws Work

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work

Who says nothing is impossible?… some people do it every day!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Work

If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine… look into that second, less painful career.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Situations Work

Alimony is the curse of the writing classes.

(1923 – 2007) American novelist, journalist & playwright
Communication Marriage Occupations Reading/Writing

What does the word 'meteorologist' mean in English? It means 'liar.'

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Occupations Science/Weather Work

I’m a character actor, which is a polite way of saying ‘ugly.’

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Occupations Ugly Work

The difference between a chef and a cook is the difference between a wife and a prostitute; cooks do meals for people they know and love, chefs do it anonymously for anyone who’s got the price.

(1954 – ) British writer & critic
Cooking Food/Drink Occupations Work

A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Murphy’s Laws Occupations Work