Subject: Work (Page 4)

The first myth of management is that it exists.
The second myth of management is that success equals skill.
Corollary (Johnson) – Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within your organization.

Murphy’s Laws Work

Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Work

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

(1957 – ) cartoonist (Dilbert)
Work

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

You think when gym teachers are younger, they’re thinking, “You know, I want to teach, but I don’t want to read?”

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Education Occupations Work

The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are always funny.

Work

It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl's tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.

Golf Occupations Sports Work

I dedicate this show to my dad who was a roofer… so dad, if you’re up there…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Family Fathers Occupations Work

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

The relationionship of an agent to a publisher is that of a knife to a throat.

(1927 – ) American Talent & literary agency executive
Occupations Work

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer
Conflict Situations Work

I'll never forget the time they gave me a farewell party at work. I was so surprised – I didn't even know I was fired.

comedian
Work

It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heaven.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
People Work

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Work

… there are three sexes – men, women, and clergymen.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Occupations People

You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.

Proverbs Work

If I were a grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for with a great deal of enjoyment.

(1803 – 1857) English writer
Death Insults Occupations People Work

Telemarketer: A minimum waged person who calls a bunch of people on a list to sell them something that they probably don’t need, and gets hung up on because the person being called usually has a mouth full of food.

Definitions Occupations

Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their level of incompetence.

(1919 – 1990) educator & writer
Success Work

Executive: A man who talks to visitors so the other employees can get their work done.

Definitions Occupations Work

The first requirement of a statesman is that he be dull.


(1893 – 1971) American statesman & lawyer
Government Occupations Work