Author: Anonymous Page 45

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

… to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.

Malaprops

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

Philosophy: Common sense in a dress suit.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.

Definitions

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

Communication Language Money

Inhibition: Being tied up in nots.

Definitions

Her business seems to be doing well; it must be very ludicrous.

Malaprops Money

“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.

Tom Swifties

Chiropodist: A man who makes money hand over foot.

Definitions Doctors Occupations

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Artichoke: The only vegetable you have more of when you finish eating it, than you had when you started.

Definitions

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

Mixed metaphors

Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

Books Communication

She’s suffering from a detached rectum.

Malaprops

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

Definitions

Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage