Quotes and One Liners
short humorous quotes, jokes, definitions, Murphy's Laws & more
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Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
George Bernard Shaw
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Confucius say… people who say they never fart, are full of hot air.
A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused.
(1934 – ) American actress, dancer, activist & author
We have the greatest democracy in the world; of course, you don't have to win the election to become president, but don't nitpick this to death, alright?
(1953 – ) American comedian & writer
When New Zealanders emigrate to Australia, it raises the average IQ of both countries.
(1921 – 1992) New Zealand prime minister
One time I saw two geese fighting and I thought, this is a pillow fight, ahead of time.
(1973 – ) American comedian
That woman, got a mouth like an outboard motor.
cartoon character (Mel Blanc)
Disorder expands proportionately to the tolerance for it.
I am not part of the problem, I am a Republican.
(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
I've got to get out of this rut and back in the groove.
cartoon character in
I first suspected that my father was gay when I asked him to pick a number between one and ten, and he was all, ‘I’m gay.’
(1978 – ) American actor, comedian & writer
Confucius say… fool and his money are soon partners.
Don't tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
They weren't really weddings, just long costume parties.
(1920 – 2002) American singer
On three of her weddings
All those football coaches who hold dressing-room prayers before a game should be forced to attend church once a week.
(1915 – 1987) American football player and coach
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
On the prospect of visiting Denmark
A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.
(1879 – 1974) film producer
Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Better an empty house than an unwelcomed guest.
Not blessed with beauty…
Well, now I must go to meet God and try to explain all those men I killed at Alamein.
Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery
(1887 – 1976) British Army officer
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