Random One-Liners

We lost some mighty good boys from last year because of paroles, but, crime being what it is, we've picked up some good ones since then, too.

basketball coach

We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex, but Congress can.

(1923 – ) American quote & quip writer

Experimenting with Babies

Why should I give my readers bad lines of my own when good ones of other people’s are so plenty?

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor

Confucius say… man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.

It must have been tough on your mother, not having any children.

(1911 – 1995) American actress, dancer & singer

I'm just trying to make a smudge on the collective unconscious.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host

If you go to war pray once; if you go on a sea journey pray twice; but pray three times when you are going to be married.

He who hesitates is probably right.

I don't have to walk my dog anymore… I walked him all at once.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

First triple I ever had.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player

Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July, but the Democrats believe every day is April 15.

(1911 – 2004) 40th U.S. president & actor

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all.

(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.

(1901 – 1983) American film & television actor

Professionals built the Titanic; amateurs built the ark.

If a young guy asked me for advice on how to get into broadcasting, I’d say “Hit .350 or win the Heisman.”

baseball broadcaster

When they list the great things of the 20th Century, they’ll say, penicillin, Sophia Loren, jet travel and ESPN.

(1931 – 2012) American college football historian & television commentator

I’m going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time.

professional football coach

Intelligent people, when assembled into an organization, will tend toward collective stupidity.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

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