Random One-Liners

You’re not too smart, are you? I like that in a man.

(1954 – ) American actress

If I drop out of school, where am I gonna find drugs?

Palestinian/American comedian

 He can be a great player in this league for a long time if he learns to say two words: I'm full.

professional football & TV commentator

A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.

(1914 – 1997) American writer & painter

What do they think I am? Dumb or something? Why, I make more money than… than… than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!

(1923 – 1977) American film actress

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games; it’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.’

(1973 – ) American comedian

One of the things I’ve used on the Google is to pull up maps.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

(1924 – 2003) American comedian & actor

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

One man's red tape is another man's system.

I need money… I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Though I could follow the outline of the story and found some of the images memorable, the meaning of it all eluded me. There was a child in the audience, but unfortunately she left during the final credits, so I was unable to turn to her for elucidation.

film critic

It keeps me from killing people.

(1933 – ) American singer & songwriter

The… these terrorist acts and, you know, the responses have got to end in order for us to get the framework… the groundwork… not framework, the groundwork to discuss a framework for peace, to lay the-all right.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

When I die, there will be people who send flowers to Ethel Mertz.

(1902 – 1979) American actor

He'd steal a hot stove and come back for the smoke.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

Hi ho Silverwear… Away!

(1971 – ) American actress

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Confucius say… flying saucer will appear when a nudist spills his coffee.

We're like two peas in a pot.

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