Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man?
cartoon character in,
Norm: I wish I had time for a hobby.Cliff: Norm, you’ve got time to make your own coal.
(1947 – ) American actor & entrepreneur
As Cliff Clavin in “Cheers”
Five days shalt thou labour, as the Bible says. The seventh day is the Lord thy God's. The sixth day is for football.
(1917 – 1993) British composer & novelist
When they were naming the animals somebody got lazy… whats he doing?… eating ants… DONE!
(1973 – ) American comedian
A consultant is someone who, when hired to find out what time it is, borrows your watch to find out.
The secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
Alice Roosevelt Longworth
(1884 – 1980) author & wit
I'm thrilled to be here in the bread basket of America because it gives me a chance to remind our fellow citizens that we have an advantage here in America – we can feed ourselves.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
A woman is as young as her knees.
(1934 – ) British fashion designer
Everything Tyson's got has 'goodnight' written on it.
American boxing referee
The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it's compromising.
In a three story building served by one elevator, the elevator car will be on a floor where you are not.
Law of Vertical Transportation
Living up to ideals is like doing everyday work with your Sunday clothes on.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Do you follow where I'm coming from?
The child that divides gets last pick.
Mrs. Rawson's Law for Sharing Desserts
We (the Mets) are a much improved ball club, now we lose in extra innings!
(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager
Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.
(1957 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor & screenwriter
I don't know why people video tape sex because after I have sex, the only thing I can think of is that I'm glad nobody saw that.
(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Confucius say… man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Laughing is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one spot.
(1818 – 1885) humorist
You might be a redneck if… you think a turtleneck is a key ingredient for soup.
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
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