Random One-Liners

Sergeant Hulka: Soldier, I’ve noticed that you’re always last.
John Winger: I’m pacing myself, Sergeant.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian

I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.

(1956 – ) American comedian

The head never rules the heart, but just becomes it's partner in crime.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

Acting is all about big hair and funny props… all the great actors knew it.

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer

Am I jumping the gun Baldrick, or are the words ‘I have a cunning plan’ marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

(1955 – ) English actor

Alone… in bad company

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

They finally found one.

British ski jumper

Confucius say… shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.

I’ll give up my bad habits as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.

(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist

Drug Kingpin Amado Fuentes died from 9 hours of liposuction and plastic surgery – or, as it's commonly known here in Beverly Hills, natural causes.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator

And one of the things we’ve got to make sure that we do is anything.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

God is silent; now if only man would shut up.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Confucius say… men screw with dicks… women screw with minds.

I lost my mood ring and now I don't how to feel about it.

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian

I really miss Phyllis. Of course, I never knew her very well. Maybe that helps.

(1948 – ) American actress

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.

(1973 – ) American comedian

The critic has to educate the public; the artist has to educate the critic.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

If you need n items of anything, you will have n – 1 in stock.

Perhaps it was made by beings from another planet, who were able to watch our television in order to absorb key concepts such as cars, sex, leukemia, and casinos, but formed an imperfect view of how to fit them together.

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter
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