Quotes and One Liners
humorous one liners, quotes, last words, proverbs, definitions & more
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Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
George Bernard Shaw
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Many TV programs suck, but none has ever sucked with such eye-popping abandon as this one.
Brace Yourselves for a Good 12 inches!
A British newspaper
You might be a redneck if… you think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
It’s difficult to know what’s going on, and even harder to care.
British broadcaster, writer & film critic
I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.
Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Confucius say… happiness is a way station between too little and too much.
Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.
(1818 – 1885) humorist
Linford Christie’s got a habit of pulling it out when it matters most.
(1926 – ) English sports commentator
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Whatever is on the floor will wind up in your baby’s mouth; whatever is in your baby’s mouth will wind up on the floor.
(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
It was better than a couple of
American baseball player
After a five-RBI game
Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the priviledge.
The larger the project or job, the less time there is to do it.
Old Engineer's Law
Woody: How’s it going Mr. Peterson?
Woody: I’m sorry to hear that.
Norm: No, I mean
George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor
As Norm Peterson in “Cheers”
When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
Hurry up, you Hoosier bastard, I could kill ten men while you're fooling about!
(1891 – 1930) American serial killer, arsonist & burglar
Shortly before he was executed by hanging
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof, the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud.
George W. Bush
(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Confucius say… army like blow job… closer to discharge you get, the better it feels.
The only thing I like about rich people is their money.
(1879 – 1964) British politician
If I weren’t earning $3 million a year to dunk a basketball, most people in the street would run in the other direction if they saw me coming.
(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
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