Random One-Liners

Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on… and this person must be fired.

Remember, attraction is a three-way street. Or is it a one-way tunnel?

(1971 – ) American actress

If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage, you get sewage. If you put a spoonful of sewage in a barrel full of wine, you get sewage.

I’d sooner be in hell with my back broke.

Bureaucracy is based on a willingness to either pass the buck or spend it.

Wife Regrets Staying With Man She Killed

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

It’s The Exorcist meets The Wicker Man and a bad time is had by all, the audience included. – “The Observer”

film critic

Cliff: [to Eric] We swear not a word you say will ever go beyond this room.

Norm: We never go beyond this room.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

Accountant: Someone hired to explain that you didn’t make the money you did.

I like American women; they do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing… like showering.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian

That one is so far right Michael Moore could make a documentary about it.

(1958 – ) Irish professional golfer & commentator

Give me a man with big hands and big feet and no brains and I'll make a golfer out of him.

American professional golfer

If she wasn’t so skinny, she’d be considered thin.

(1897 – 1960) Russian-born American film director, actor & producer

The decisions we make in Washington have a direct impact on the people in our country.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.

(1955 – ) American actor, musician & playwright

At least you are not obnoxious like so many other people – you are obnoxious in a different and worse way!

When you’re older than the manager and the general manger, that’s not a good sign.

American baseball player

Hold when you're at home and don't hold when you're on the road.

(1923 – 2001) American football coach

People who can least afford to pay rent, pay rent; people who can most afford to pay rent, build up equity.