Random One-Liners

Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor

The L.A. Lakers are so good they could run a fast break with a medicine ball.

Frank Bruno says I'm chicken. Well you can tell him I've come home to roost.

American boxer

I came from a real tough neighborhood; in the local restaurant I sat down and had broken leg of lamb.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.

(1848 – 1907) Irish-born American sculptor

It’s lap 26 of 58, which unless I’m very much mistaken is half way.

(1923 – ) English motorsport commentator

You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

You might be a redneck if… your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Confucius say… girl's best asset is her ‘lie' ability.

In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism.

(1918 – 1996) U.S. vice president & politician

A lot of smart young people have come out of Indiana; the smarter they are, the faster they come out.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist

Marriage is the death of hope.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor.

We drink to one another’s health, and spoil our own.

(1859 – 1927) English writer

People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion?
Byrne: I was sober.

(1972 – ) Irish stand-up comedian, voice over artist & actor

I found a delivery in my flaw.

(1953 – 1998) baseball player