Random One-Liners

Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your children.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Woman: A creature whom God made beautiful that man might love her, and unreasonable that she might love man.

When we’re young, we want to change the world… when we’re old, we want to change the young.

book publisher

The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

(1847 – 1931) American inventor, scientist & businessman

Confucius say… all men eat, but Fu Manchu.

A great actress, from the waist down.

(1848 – 1935) English actress

There is a special bathroom in heaven for the father of girls.

It’s time for the human race to enter the solar system.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician

Chaos always wins, because it’s better organized.

If you drop a full can of beer, and remember to rap the top sharply with your knuckle prior to opening, the ensuing gush of foam will be between 89 and 94 percent of the volume that would splatter you if you didn't do a damned thing and went ahead and pulled the top immediately.

Actors die so loud.

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter

It (a cubicle) basically says, like, 'You know what?… we don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.'

(1968 — ) American stand-up comedian

You teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

The reason I believe in a large tax cut is because it’s what I believe.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

When you get something for nothing, you just haven't been billed for it yet.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist

Hayden Christensen is less Anakin, more mannequin.

English journalist

And that’s why I’m here at the community college system today.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets — unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel… then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

(1974 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor