Subject: Appearance (Page 49)

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Age Appearance People Women

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Hair People

You know your girlfriend is getting fat when she can fit into your wife's clothes.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Fat Marriage

Fashion: Something that goes out of style as soon as most people have one.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Ugly

He had better get married soon, because he's getting uglier every day!

Canadian hockey player
Appearance Hockey Sports Ugly

My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.

professional football player
Appearance Body Football Health Sports

It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

On the other hand… you have different fingers.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Communication Language

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Places

The cost of the hairdo is directly related to the strength of the wind.

Appearance Hair Murphy’s Laws

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much – just an occasional sun visor.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Clothing Men People Shopping Women

You really wanna know what you look like to other people?… have a child draw you.

(1975 – ) American comedian & talk radio personality
Appearance People Self

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Eating Food/Drink Mothers Ugly

A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Body Characteristics Situations Things

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Appearance Clothing Men People Women

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1900 – 1967) American film actor
Clothing Money Poverty

So skinny she’d have to stand up twice to make a shadow.

Appearance Body Expressions

From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class; from ten feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Appearance People Women