Subject: Health (Page 5)

A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Health

The only sport where you can spend an arm and a leg to break an arm and a leg. 

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)
Activities Health Sports

It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

Health Money Murphy’s Laws Wealth

Could I get gangroon out of that?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir.


(1608 – 1661) English churchman & historian
Doctors Health

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Health Success

What do we want? — A cure for dyslexia.
When do we want it? — Own.

(1954 – ) English comedian writer
Health

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1962 – ) American stand-up comedian, writer, actor & radio host
Beliefs Health Religion

The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Health Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing Time

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

(1930 – ) actor, writer, film & television director
Characteristics Health

I learned a long time ago that minor surgery is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.

American basketball player
Basketball Health Sports

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Health Insults Situations

A psychiatrist is a man who goes to the Folies Bergeres and looks at the audience.

(1913 – 1995) British Anglican Bishop
Doctors Health

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Health Money Places

Somewhere in the world is… the world’s worst doctor… and he could be yours.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health

Go to the gyropractor and get fixed?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

I have the woman-flu, which is like the manflu but worse because I also regularly have periods and I get paid less.

Danish comedian
Health Men People Women

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

People often write me and ask how I keep my wood floors so clean when I live with a child and a dog, and my answer is that I use a technique called “Suffering From a Mental Illness.”

(1975 – ) blogger
Health Housework

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell… except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.


Health

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.

Health