Subject: Health (Page 5)

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Driving Health

Mobile phone cancer is more common in the city; so is everything else, including sex, coffee and conversation.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Health Things

I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it; I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Autos Health Things

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Doctors Health Ugly

I'm taking Lamaze classes; I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

We drink to one another’s health, and spoil our own.

(1859 – 1927) English writer
Food/Drink Health

He died of cirrhosis of the liver… it costs money to die of cirrhosis of the liver.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Death Health Money

New Sick Policy Requires 2-day Notice

Headlines Health

Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.

Doctors Health Murphy’s Laws

A psychiatrist is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Doctors Health

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

(1914 – 1953) Welsh-born poet & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health People Self

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Doctors Health Work

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Girls Health Old Women

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

(1911 – 1999) comedian, author & columnist
Health Wives

The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job… especially if you’ve got hay fever

(1964 – ) English comedian
Health Occupations Work

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving you don’t actually live longer; it just seems longer.

(1924 – 2009) English broadcaster, writer, politician & chef
Activities Age Health Time

In her elastic stockings, next to her very close veins.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Health Malaprops

We are the sort of people who make health insurance popular.

Canadian hockey goaltender
Health Hockey Sports

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

I really don't like living there; I have to for health reasons; I'm very paranoid, and New York's the only place where my fears are justified.

American comedian
Health New York City Places