Subject: Health (Page 8)

I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health Sex

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places

The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog… hello?… he's already licking his ass.

(1960 – ) American comedian
Animals Dogs Health

If you’re feeling good, don’t worry… you’ll get over it.

Health Murphy’s Laws

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Alcohol Characteristics Doctors Health

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Health

My Dad’s allergic to cotton; he has pills he can take but he can’t get them out of the bottle.

comedian
Health

An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Health Sex

When I was a kid I used to play doctor with this little girl in my neighborhood and one time we got caught… luckily, it was a Wednesday and we were just playing golf.

comedian
Doctors Occupations Work

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Emotions Happiness Health

He’s a fool that makes his doctor his heir.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Doctors Fools Health Intelligence

Hypochondriac: One who can’t leave well-enough alone.

Definitions Health

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Doctors Health Work

X-Ray: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Definitions Health

Hippocritical oath.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Doctors Health Malaprops

Sooner or later, the lame, the halt, and the blind all seek refuge with us.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Health Sports

Chiropractor: A doctor who works his fingers to the bone… yours.

Definitions Doctors

I recently became a Christian Scientist; it was the only health plan I could afford.

American actress, comedian, writer & musician
Health

Virus: A Latin medical term meaning, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Definitions Health

If medicine has made so much progress in the last 30 years, how come I felt better 30 years ago?

(1935 – 2012) American football player, sports announcer & actor
Health

My uncle died of Lou Sterrett's disease.

Health Malaprops