Subject: Health (Page 8)

London: A place you go to get bronchitis.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Definitions Health Places

The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.

Doctors Health Proverbs

I like to call therapy “baggage claim.”

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Health

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games Health

Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

(1952 – ) comedian
Health Money

I have an inferiority complex, it’s just not a very good one.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Health

I thought AAA was an organization for people who are really bad alcoholics.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Health

A cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

(1918 – 2002) Irish comedian, writer, musician, poet & playwright
Health

Schizophrenia beats dining alone.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Health Wordplay

Doctors bury their mistakes, but mine are still on scholarship.

(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Doctors School

I was [having sex] with this girl… and it was pretty wild; I explained to her that I’d not had it in 2 years because I’d been in the VD clinic.. she replied ‘How’s the food? … I’m going in tomorrow!’

(1948 – ) British stand-up comedian
Health Sex

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places; he told me to quit going to those places.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Doctors Health Places

A newspaper is a circulating library with high blood pressure.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Communication Health Reading/Writing

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills… my doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Health Situations Sleep

I can't tell you his age, but when he was born the wonder drug was Mercurochrome.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Age Health Old Things

It's hard to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenics just because she lives in your body.

(1956 – ) American entertainer & comedian
Health People Self

I don't need you to remind me of my age; I have a bladder to do that for me.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Age Health Old

I recently had my annual physical examination, which I get once every seven years, and when the nurse weighed me, I was shocked to discover how much stronger the Earth's gravitational pull has become since 1990.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Body Fat Health

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Health Life

Osteopath: A man who works his fingers to your bones.

Definitions Doctors

I’ve just learned about his illness; let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist
Health Insults