Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Money Taxes

The same parent who tells you it’s time to find yourself will also tell you to get lost.

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Family Parents

A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you sore if it happened to you!

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Emotions Laughter

Most people still believe in a hard day’s work, but they also believe it should be spread out over the course of a week or two.

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Time Work

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

Nepotism is when the corporate ladder is built from the lumber of your family tree.

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Family Relationships

A business executive is someone who talks golf in the office and business on the golf course.

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Golf Sports

Anyone who says the truth shall set you free has never been to traffic court.

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Characteristics Truth

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

A family vacation is when you go away with the people you need to get away from.

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Activities Relationships

It’s not the work that keeps most people from doing volunteer work, it’s the pay!

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Work

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

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Health

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

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Education Occupations Sleep

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

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Husbands Marriage

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

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Doctors Health Occupations

A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!

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Appearance Body People

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

The suburbs are where they cut down all the trees and then name streets after them!

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Places

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

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Situations Things

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Characteristics