Author: Alfred E. Neuman Page 3

It's a good idea to save your money; one day it might be worth something again!

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Money

If most people said what’s on their minds, they’d be speechless.

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Communication Intelligence Speech

These days, the only time politicians tell the truth is when they call each other a liar.

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Characteristics Honesty Lies Politicians Truth

Experience is what makes you pause briefly before going ahead and making the same mistake.

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Mistakes Problems Situations Time

It takes one to know one – and vice versa!

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Misspokements

A gossip columnist is someone who uses dirt to make a mountain out of a molehill.

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Communication

Many a good egg ends up getting beaten.

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Characteristics

Any dentist who says “This won’t hurt a bit” is lying through your teeth.

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Health

Nowadays, a balanced diet is when every McNugget weighs the same!

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Appearance Body Fat

The distance between many people’s ears is a block.

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Intelligence

Politicians are always trying to convince you that they can solve the unemployment problem if you'll just give them a job.

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Elections/Voting Government Politicians Work

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and selling your story to T.V.!

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Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

A lawyer is someone who writes a 40-page document and calls it a brief!

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Government Law Lawyers

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

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Conflict Crime Government Politics

If people wanted your unsolicited advice, they’d ask for it.

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Beliefs Opinion

If we really learned from our past mistakes, most of us would never get out of bed in the morning.

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Education History Learning Mistakes

Ever notice how random chance always picks you for jury duty, but not to win the lottery?

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Science/Weather Situations

If banks are so good with numbers, why are there always eight windows and three tellers?

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Places

Today it takes more brains and effort to make out the income tax form than it does to make the income.

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Government Intelligence Money Taxes

These days the meaning of a faithful husband is one whose alimony checks arrive on time.

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Husbands Marriage

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Doctors Health Occupations