Subject: Science/Weather (Page 2)

How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the bulb and the other to hold his penis… sorry – I mean ladder.

(1965 – ) British-Iranian comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55 MPH, but I wasn't going to be on the
 road an hour.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Science/Weather Things

Remember folks, stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Autos Science/Weather Things

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Science/Weather

It is easier to square the circle than to get round a mathematician.

(1806 – 1871) English mathematician
Occupations Science/Weather Work

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.

Food/Drink Proverbs Science/Weather Time

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Education School Science/Weather

USA Today has come out with a new survey; apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Facts People Science/Weather

The rain is coming down like gangbusters!

Mixed metaphors Science/Weather

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

Science/Weather Situations

I love the idea of there being two sexes, don't you?

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Appearance Body Science/Weather

Drug: A substance that, when injected into a guinea pig, produces a scientific paper.

Activities Definitions Drugs Science/Weather

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Places Science/Weather

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

While the difficulties and dangers of problems tend to increase at a geometric rate, the knowledge and manpower qualified to deal with these problems tend to increase linearly.

Murphy’s Laws Problems Science/Weather

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Past Science/Weather Time

There will be a procession next Sunday afternoon in the grounds of the monastery; but if it rains in the afternoon, the procession will take place in the morning.

Church Bulletins Science/Weather

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks grey?

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather

In Seattle, they have a saying: 'If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes and then shoot yourself in the face.'

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Places Science/Weather

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue…and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?… where does the glue go?"

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Cooking Food/Drink Science/Weather